One useful approach is to begin the practice of self-observation, or have one part of your attention watching you as you carry out normal daily activities. I call this the 80-20 rule. The larger 80% of you carries on with your day as a little 20% of you does the observing. It is very difficult to do this all day long, but it is possible to do this at certain points in your day.

Let’s say you are having difficulty in conversations, with others not understanding your point of view as well as you’d like. So you decide that, once a day, when you are in the middle of a frustrating conversation, you will watch yourself in it. Specifically, you may decide to watch your body sensations around the throat and chest area.

No big deal, no judgments, and no thinking about why this is going on! This simple observation is a kind of applied mindfulness practice, where you are concentrating on one aspect of your experience, becoming increasingly clear about what is going on, and developing the equanimity to let it come and go without you trying to direct or control it.

Why would this simple practice be helpful? Because seeing is freeing! Anytime you can perceive something that was previously beneath the surface of your awareness, you are a bit less governed by automatic reactions and a bit more able to develop creative responses to life situations.

Self-observation is one element of an Integral Coaching® approach.

Integral Coaching® is a registered trademark in Canada owned by Integral Coaching Canada Inc. and licensed to Meg Salter. 

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Here are some simple integral exercises you can do to discover where your attention is going:

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1. Turn your attention ‘inside your head’, that area of your skull behind your eyes, between your ears. If you detect interior talking or visual images, this is your interior thinking process occurring, effecting you in subtle ways.
2. Turn your attention to your physical body, your skin and breathing. If you sense a tingly vitality, or sense of dullness or tightness, this tells you where your physical energy is moving – or blocked.
3. Turn your attention to how you feel in groups, with family, colleagues or friends. Where you feel connected or disconnected will tells you know how group norms are affecting you
4. Turn your attention to what standards and expectations you hold, or are expected of you in your organization.  

What you turn to, to determine ‘what success looks like’ will tell you how social systems shape you.

So – what to do once you have discovered more about where your attention is going?

1. Breathe deeply into it and let it move – it may not last forever!
2. Exercise some ”free won’t” ; stop doing one little thing that you would habitually do. This frees up some energy for a creative new response.

Integral Coaching® is a registered trademark in Canada owned by Integral Coaching Canada Inc. and licensed to Meg Salter.