When you are driving a vehicle, a blind spot is ‘the areas of road that can’t be seen while driving forward’. They are close by but literally out of our sight . In daily life and work, blind spots are those areas of ourselves that we don’t see, and that others do see. While we may think of this as a problem – and it can be – it is important to recognize that blind spots are inevitable and in fact are a normal by-product of a successful life! We all have our habitual ways of doing things, which we have learned and honed over many years. Much of our cognitive and emotional processes work beneath the level of conscious awareness – or out of our sight –  rapidly and automatically recognizing patterns in our environment and directing our behaviour as we go about getting our day. When you are whacked by a blind spot, you can take it as an opportunity to learn and adapt in a way that maybe you just haven’t needed to until now.

Easy to say, but how can you do that?

If you ask for feedback from someone, look for several characteristics in the person.

• someone you like, respect or appreciate; that way you are much more likely to take in what they say
• someone who can be a reliable witness; who saw the specific incident or has seen you in similar recurring situations
• someone who is a bit different, who will offer a fresh  point of view
• someone who has no particular axe to grind, or competing agenda

Ask your question in an open ended way, e.g. during xxx kind of situations

• what do you see me doing or saying? not doing or saying?
• how did you feel in response to what I said or did? how do you think others felt? what did you see that makes you say that?
• what did you need in that moment?
• what one request would you have of me?

Then pick one thing you can start to do differently. Something you can start now, that is small, simple, doable and recurs regularly. Create a new habit, a new muscle so that  you don’t get whacked again. At least, not until the next learning opportunity comes up!

One useful approach is to begin the practice of self-observation, or have one part of your attention watching you as you carry out normal daily activities. I call this the 80-20 rule. The larger 80% of you carries on with your day as a little 20% of you does the observing. It is very difficult to do this all day long, but it is possible to do this at certain points in your day.

Let’s say you are having difficulty in conversations, with others not understanding your point of view as well as you’d like. So you decide that, once a day, when you are in the middle of a frustrating conversation, you will watch yourself in it. Specifically, you may decide to watch your body sensations around the throat and chest area.

No big deal, no judgments, and no thinking about why this is going on! This simple observation is a kind of applied mindfulness practice, where you are concentrating on one aspect of your experience, becoming increasingly clear about what is going on, and developing the equanimity to let it come and go without you trying to direct or control it.

Why would this simple practice be helpful? Because seeing is freeing! Anytime you can perceive something that was previously beneath the surface of your awareness, you are a bit less governed by automatic reactions and a bit more able to develop creative responses to life situations.

Self-observation is one element of an Integral Coaching® approach.

Integral Coaching® is a registered trademark in Canada owned by Integral Coaching Canada Inc. and licensed to Meg Salter. 

Photo Credit

Here are some simple integral exercises you can do to discover where your attention is going:

Photo Credit

1. Turn your attention ‘inside your head’, that area of your skull behind your eyes, between your ears. If you detect interior talking or visual images, this is your interior thinking process occurring, effecting you in subtle ways.
2. Turn your attention to your physical body, your skin and breathing. If you sense a tingly vitality, or sense of dullness or tightness, this tells you where your physical energy is moving – or blocked.
3. Turn your attention to how you feel in groups, with family, colleagues or friends. Where you feel connected or disconnected will tells you know how group norms are affecting you
4. Turn your attention to what standards and expectations you hold, or are expected of you in your organization.  

What you turn to, to determine ‘what success looks like’ will tell you how social systems shape you.

So – what to do once you have discovered more about where your attention is going?

1. Breathe deeply into it and let it move – it may not last forever!
2. Exercise some ”free won’t” ; stop doing one little thing that you would habitually do. This frees up some energy for a creative new response.

Integral Coaching® is a registered trademark in Canada owned by Integral Coaching Canada Inc. and licensed to Meg Salter.